Me: John, you've been with us a couple of seasons. In that time I've gotten to know you more, and I would like to ask you some questions that are a little different than those I normally ask in these interviews. I’m always doing research looking for the best practices for helping people experiencing homelessness. It’s a complex issue I've found and sometimes I feel like we aren't really helping that we’re just spinning our wheels. As someone who’s been in homelessness for a while now, tell me what’s your experience been like? What barriers do you face in getting out of this situation?
John: It’s been great here (at The Refuge). Everyone has been really wonderful. I really appreciate The Refuge being here because when you’re truly homeless and you have no place to go it’s great. But I think…I think that I know what you’re getting at. I know that with me, which I don’t really want to tell you, but I’ll be honest I think that some people when they’re in my situation it’s like you kind of had everything at one time (and now it's gone). You had a job, you had a house and you just don’t think you’re ever gonna get back to that. You’re kinda depressed. Sometimes you just don’t feel motivated.
Me: Does it feel like you've lost hope?
John: No you never lose hope. You keep trying to get a job and move on it’s just hard. I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s like you’re starting all over again. You know like, I think to myself “Am I going to get a job at McDonald's and hopefully be able to save up enough money to get an apartment?” Plus I can’t drive. It’s like you've lost everything. It’s really depressing.
But if you were positive about it maybe, like if you’re younger. I don’t know maybe it’s because of my age it just seems harder to get a job and everything. I've only been homeless for a year, so maybe it just takes more time to get over that depression of dealing with being a disappointment to your kids, of losing your home. I mean losing the job really wasn't my fault. It went out of business, but I didn't handle it in a good way. I started drinking too much, got two DUIs and lost my driver’s license so um… it’s depressing.
Me: Yeah. It seems like the system is kind of a barrier too. You mentioned losing your license, and I know many of the guys here are in that situation right now. I understand why you lost them, but the fines and the hoops you have to go through to get them back become insurmountable. It becomes a wall that is difficult to get over when you want to get your life back together.
John: Yeah, I agree with you. I mean I learned my lesson. See I got both my DUIs in one year. My wife had died a couple of years ago, then I lost my job and I had never been a hard drinker, but I started just to deal with everything. I was trying to raise my two kids. I was just under a lot of stress and that’s how I coped. But now I realize that that’s the stupidest thing you could do it just creates more problems.
Me: Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate you taking this time to talk to me. I know that it can’t be easy for you.
John: No, problem. I just appreciate so much what you guys have done for me. I don’t know what I would have done without The Refuge.
Me: Does it feel like you've lost hope?
John: No you never lose hope. You keep trying to get a job and move on it’s just hard. I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s like you’re starting all over again. You know like, I think to myself “Am I going to get a job at McDonald's and hopefully be able to save up enough money to get an apartment?” Plus I can’t drive. It’s like you've lost everything. It’s really depressing.
But if you were positive about it maybe, like if you’re younger. I don’t know maybe it’s because of my age it just seems harder to get a job and everything. I've only been homeless for a year, so maybe it just takes more time to get over that depression of dealing with being a disappointment to your kids, of losing your home. I mean losing the job really wasn't my fault. It went out of business, but I didn't handle it in a good way. I started drinking too much, got two DUIs and lost my driver’s license so um… it’s depressing.
Me: Yeah. It seems like the system is kind of a barrier too. You mentioned losing your license, and I know many of the guys here are in that situation right now. I understand why you lost them, but the fines and the hoops you have to go through to get them back become insurmountable. It becomes a wall that is difficult to get over when you want to get your life back together.
John: Yeah, I agree with you. I mean I learned my lesson. See I got both my DUIs in one year. My wife had died a couple of years ago, then I lost my job and I had never been a hard drinker, but I started just to deal with everything. I was trying to raise my two kids. I was just under a lot of stress and that’s how I coped. But now I realize that that’s the stupidest thing you could do it just creates more problems.
Me: Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate you taking this time to talk to me. I know that it can’t be easy for you.
John: No, problem. I just appreciate so much what you guys have done for me. I don’t know what I would have done without The Refuge.
